Before I start this blog post, I want it to be very clear that I am no BOY expert. I do not study boys or their behaviour. I study Andy, and his behaviour…
But not like in a scientific way…
More like a ‘you’re adorable, I’m going to keep looking at you’ way.
Having said that…
Based on the heartbreaks I’ve had, the bullsh*t I’ve put up with, and the boys I’ve encountered in my life…
I’ve noticed a pattern.
A pattern that I wished I noticed like 8 years ago to prevent myself from a lot of crying and a lot of eating orange sherbet out of the bucket.
Have you ever broken up with a guy, and just been so miserable about it?
Maybe it was a mutual thing…
Maybe he did something so awful, you had no choice but to break up?
Maybe you broke up with him to make a point (we all do it)
when the break up happens do you ever feel like you’re suffering so much more?
You’re constantly lurking him on social media and he just seems totally fine with the whole thing.
Continuing with his life…
Hanging out with girls…
Having the time of his life, with a big smile on his face?
And with all these new discoveries, you find yourself feeling even more upset.
Why isn’t he fighting for me?
Doesn’t he miss me?
*crying till I can’t breathe*
Why isn’t he as hurt as me?
*BECAUSE I’M SO HURT RIGHT NOW. MY INSIDES HURT*
Well… what I’ve come to discover is that (believe it or not) he is hurting just as much as you.
I know it doesn’t seem like it.
But he is.
Now, I think it’s important to mention that this blog is directed to the true love birds out there.
The ones who broke up with their significant other because they had to, not because the wanted to. Or the faded loves, or the searching for mores, or the ‘I’m just not being treated right… but I still love you’s.’
*disclaimer: this blog does not apply to significant others who cheated. There is a place in hell for those people and they’re taking numbers*
But if you guys really had something, or were together long term, really loved each other, really enjoyed eachother…
then he is suffering to.
Boy’s just handle it differently.
Here is a break down.
Now, I’m not saying my theory is correct. And you’re probably reading this saying ‘how the hell does she know?’ Well, you’re right—I don’t.
But from my own experience, and from people close to me, these feelings are the common denominator.
I have said many times that Andy and I aren’t perfect, and we’ve broken up a time or two.
Some times it was tougher than others, but what really preventing us from healing and fixing the problems between us was miscommunication.
He would seem so okay after everything, like he was able to move on with his life no problem.
This caused me to not only be upset with him for my original reason, but now I’m upset with him because I feel like I wasn’t important to him.
However (and this is the important part), later on I came to realize that he had his valid reasons for acting the way he did as well.
His insides hurt to.
When I was wondering why he wasn’t fighting for me, he was wondering why I gave up on him in the first place.
And when I was wondering why he was able to have such a good time and move on with his life, he believed I didn’t want to be bothered. He believed I had made a decision, and he would feel like an idiot if he tried to change my mind.
HOW DID WE GET HERE???
This relationship purgatory calls for such a difficult recipe!!!
A pinch of giving up.
A tablespoon of ‘I can’t take it anymore’
A cup of sadness.
A bag of broken hearts.
And one fucking heaping school bus full of miscommunication.
Yet, we nail the goddamn recipe all the time!
ALL THE TIME.
So, as my blogs usually go… where am I going with this?
He’s suffering to.
That’s what I’m trying to say.
The feeling you get when you see your man going out without you,
hanging out with other girls,
talking to other girls,
smiling like he’s been set free….
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
You feel like you meant nothing.
Like it was all a bunch of bullshit.
Like you’re not important.
and it sucks.
Sucks enough to write a blog about.
But what I’m trying to help avoid, is you continuing your life as if you’re not worth it.
And that’s not right.
Especially if this happens when you’re young.
If you loved him so much you’re insides hurt, there’s no way his insides weren’t hurting at some point.
I’m not saying call back you’re ex and try and re-kindle an old flame.
But I am saying that love is, in fact, love.
And if you felt it, he felt it.
So, maybe you take this blog and put it in your pocket for the next time it happens.
Or maybe, it’s happening right now and it’s time to start properly communicating if it’s worth it.
But at the very least, you can take that deep breathe that you never took in the past and sigh knowing you were worth it. Boys just operate differently.
In the mean time, if I manage to find a way to let a boy know when they’re being a douche canoe…. I’ll be sure to post it.
love you boys.
This photo was taken while Andy and I were broken up. It was a bad time in our relationship, and we decided to end it due to certain circumstances. We both went off and tried to do our own thing. The way we dealt with our situations was similar to the chart. I asked him to come visit me to talk- just so I could know it all meant something at some point. And somehow we found love again.