‘don’t text him untill he texts you’
‘tell him you’re seeing other people, it’ll make him worried.’
‘pretend you don’t care.. he’ll wonder why’
‘go flirt with that guy over there, it’ll make him so mad’
‘omg no! you can’t tell him you like him first!’
‘you have to wait until he asks you out!’
‘don’t tell him that him talking to other girls bothers you… it’ll turn him off’
Whoever gave you advice like this, needs to make better life choices… IN MY PERSONAL OPINION.
I mean, it’s just all bullshit.
In my last post, I felt a sense of empowerment in being insecure, and I found a comfortability in being myself and letting myself feel… just feel, and not tell myself its not okay to FEEL a certain way.
and I’ve come to find that it’s the same way when dealing with anything in a relationship.
If you know me, or if you’re a good friend of mine…. you know I hate playing games in relationships.
I’ve had many friends offer me spiteful alternatives to fights with my boyfriends, or clever ways to make someone interested.
But I always respond the same–
I don’t like games.
This is not a preaching blog, but rather, me sharing my experience with being brutally honest with boyfriends and letting you know where that’s gotten me in my life. And you can decide for yourself whether you’re better off with ‘playing’ in a relationship every once and a while. or just trusting your feelings.
Every serious boyfriend I have ever had… I had to pursue them.
I saw him… usually loved their face, decided I wanted that face on my face and proceeded to make it happen.
I was honest.
‘Hey.. I think you’re super hot’
‘Hey… you make me laugh hysterically… lets make this a often thing’
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been tempted with the
‘i’ll wait until tomorrow to text him so I don’t look too eager’
‘I’ll tell him i’m busy next time he asks so I look hard-to- get’
But my feelings always win.
My Feelings and Playing Games gets into a wizarding battle…
and my feelings expecto patronum the game’s ass and then I’m forced to just FEEL.
And I think that’s the right thing to do.
I want to text you right now.
I’m sitting in bed, I met you tonight… I think you’re great, and I want to talk to you, so LETS TALK.
If I come off eager… who cares? I am eager.. I am very eager… why would I pretend not to be?
Who am I benefiting by doing that?
Because it sure as hell isn’t me.
Because even though it might make me look more intriguing… it’s actually not me that’s intriguing… it’s just me pretending to be.
I’m trying to be Cho Chang, when I’m actually Ginny.
I’m ginny-ing all over the place.
When Andy and I first started talking, I thought he was the funniest person I had ever met in my entire life.
And it didn’t take too many times seeing him, or too many encounters to realize that.
His perfectly symmetrical, tanned face also helped his cause– don’t get me wrong.
But I just remember saying to myself ‘ I could literally talk to you all day, and I would never get bored.’
So we did… we talked every day. I would text him everyday, he would text me..
And nothing happened… nothing on his end at least.. just talking.
In this situation… most friends will tell you they are concerned, and probably say something like
‘omg, what an asshole, why hasn’t he made a move’
‘just stop texting him for a few days, he’ll start to wonder’.
Me, I really didn’t give a fuck what he was feeling.
I knew I loved talking to him.
I knew I loved his face.
So I called him and I said:
“Lets go on a date’
He said yes..
and it’s been lollipops and unicorns ever since.
Because I felt a certain way, and the only way to find out if he was feeling the same is to ask. Games get you no where.
And I have carried that honesty everywhere I go.
Like a freckle on my face or scar in my skin.
When I’m upset with him, I tell him. And I tell him why.
When I want him to do something different, I don’t drop hints… I tell him.
He doesn’t always have to agree.
But I’m not going to waste my time playing monopoly when I can play CandyLand.
Let me explain.
Monopoly. You open the game, and you accept the fact that you’re in it for at least the next 2 hours.
You strategize, you attempt to throw off your opponents, you start to win and then you start to lose, you have all the power, then you have none.
And unless you’re willing to play the game with all these uncertainties… you might as well just put the game back.
Because unless you’re willing to spend insane amounts of time strategizing to get what you want, Monopoly is not for you.
And it’s time to take out Candyland.
My favourite game.
No strategy, no lying or scheming.
Just colours and cards.
An even playing field… you pick a card, then someone else picks a card.
And you keep picking cards until you get to the end.
Sometimes you get to jump ahead, sometimes you get pulled all the way back to beginning.
But it’s fair.
And its honest.
It was quick because it was fair, you picked, then he picked, you talked, then he talked.
Sometimes you made progress (Queen Frostine)
Sometimes you get discouraged (Plumpy)
But the cards don’t lie, your card is honest, and his card is honest and you keep picking up honesty until you come to a conclusion…
and the faster you pick up cards, the faster the game goes.
We all want to get to King Candy, so why make it harder for ourselves?
If you want something, don’t wait for someone else to validate your feelings, or make you feel more comfortable in your decisions.
They’re your decisions and if you want to make them, then you make them.
And if a guy isn’t calling you to make himself look more intriguing… when he DOES end up calling you too weeks later pick up the phone and say
‘Well that was just a gigantic waste of both of our time, I would have picked up two weeks ago’
Because we’re human beings, and we feel.
and that’s okay.
If you want to play games, stick to board games.
I suggest Candyland.